I know that marijuana is legalized in some states and that a lot of people think that it’s completely harmless to use but I’m going to be super blunt and say that that is such a stupid thing to say (DO YOUR RESEARCH). Just because you can’t see the effects that it is having on someone doesn’t mean that it isn’t messing up their body, or more specifically, their brain.

* To be clear, when I speak of marijuana, I am also speaking of medical marijuana. It isn’t discluded from this. Everything that I will share applies to the use of marijuana in any form.

So what’s so wrong with marijuana?

Well, marijuana has 3 tendencies.

1. Marijuana slows down, stops, and can even reverse the development of the central nervous system (the brain basically)
2. The “buzz” that you feel when using marijuana can last around 2-4 hours and then the user will think that it isn’t affecting them anymore but that’s a lie. The buzz may wear off but its effects are still there. Once the weed has been used, the intoxication lasts for 24 hours. So even if the buzz is gone, you are still intoxicated for about another 20 hours! If you are one of those people who likes to hit a blunt once a day, that means that you are intoxicated literally all day long, every single day!
3. The potency of weed is 10-13x stronger than it was back in the 60s, 70s, and 80s. So the people who used during that time and think that it’s okay for people to use it today aren’t realizing that it is a lot stronger than it used to be.

While in class, my professor shared some past experiences that he has had with previous pot smokers. Because he knows the signs and characteristics of people who had (or are smoking) smoked weed, he has the ability to guess really close to the age a person started using. His biggest indicator from what he told us had a lot to do with the mental state of the person. If a person frequently used while young (before the age of 26 or before the brain finished developing), the development of the central nervous system would slow down, stop, and sometimes reverse. That means that a lot of users of marijuana are preventing themselves from ever being able to truly think like an adult meaning that they lose the ability to think and understand as they should. They can get stuck thinking like a kid or a teenager because their brain doesn’t have the chance to fully mature and develop. Now, you can stop this from happening if you quit using before your brain matures. You may not be able to completely save yourself but you can reverse the effects and improve dramatically if you just stop. Once you get close to the age of 26, you are creating irreparable, irreversible damage to your brain and you could forever be stuck with the understanding and mentality of a teenager. No one wants that. Can you imagine, never being able to fully comprehend the things other adults your age are able to understand?

This is why medical marijuana and marijuana, in general, is bad. No matter what way you take marijuana, you get the same exact effects. Just because it’s being used for medical reasons does not mean that it is safer or that you will be exempt from its side effects.

* The amount of time a person has to take marijuana before damage starts to take place is unknown because it’s  immoral to study and experiment on this issue. However, more answers will start to show up because of the legalization of its use. While more and more people are using it, we will see the results of an increase of people causing damage to their brain.

Fatherhood is something that is often overlooked or deemed not as important as it really is. Many people do not think that the position of the father is as “equal” as it is to the mother. The mother is seen as the primary caretaker and that she is the person who teaches everything but that is not true. The father is just as equal in the role of parenting as the mother is. The wonderful thing about fathers is that each father is able to offer something to his children that his wife is unable to extend.

A man is most influential to his children when his children are able to observe the quality of relationship he has with his wife. If a man has a strong, respectful, and healthy relationship with his wife, the more psychologically healthy his children will turn out to be (Fathers, 2006). One of those ways this can be shown can be seen by the amount of quality time spent between the father and mother, and if he also happens to be more involved with his wife’s personal life. A healthy and happy relationship between the husband and the wife is so incredibly important to the welfare of the children. Studies show that a healthy relationship between the parents will help influence their own behavior with their children. For example, a healthy relationship from the start will help make parents who are more responsive to their children’s needs, more affectionate and confident in their child rearing as well (Fathers, 2006).

Having a healthy relationship between the father and mother that is visible to the children is so important to the welfare of the kids as they grow up. Studies show that as boys grow up seeing their father treat his mother with respect, dignity, and with the ability to handle conflict in a controlled, mature, and healthy way, then the boy’s relationship with women will be similar. Boys are also less likely to be aggressive if their father was a good example during childhood and adolescent years (Fathers, 2006). We have also learned from these studies that with the same example, girls are able to learn how it is that men should treat them. Fortunately, a good father who sets this example is also helping to ensure that his daughter will be less likely to be in an unhealthy and violent relationship (Fathers, 2006). Besides that, we have learned that women who grew up with a highly involved father tend to have a much more positive opinion of men and find it easier to relate to them as well (Ditta, 2011).

Together parents make a fantastic team but separately, they have their individual strengths when it comes to child rearing. “Fathers often push achievement while mothers stress nurturing, both of which are important to healthy development. As a result, children who grow up with involved fathers are more comfortable exploring the world around them and more likely to exhibit self-control and pro-social behavior” (Fathers, 2006). Each parent has the ability to offer a different type of strength to their child. When it comes to the involvement – especially during infant and toddler years – of the father it is crucial. With an involved father, toddlers show tendencies to be more sociable with people of all sorts, more popular as he or she grows older, and more comfortable exploring and doing things on his or her own (Fathers, 2006).

Along with the previous fact, studies also show that having an involved father can help to prevent social behavior problems. It is becoming quite common to find kids with some sort of social behavioral difficulty. Many people suffer from poor self-image/confidence/esteem, poor physical and emotional health, and poor academic achievement. Many adolescents are even “toe dipping” with drugs which leads to addiction, violence, and delinquent attitudes (Fathers, 2006). However, the more involved a father is with his children, the less likely these behavioral issues are to happen. That does not mean that they will cease to exist because outside influences can still be a contributing factor of why children and adolescents suffer from these problems but the studies are there that show how fatherly influences and involvement can help to prevent such matters.

Fathers are also very important because they can help children learn to control their behavior and emotions, especially when they are very young and lack the control that they need (Fathers, 2006). Mothers are there to help the children but once again, fathers are able to assist in ways that mothers cannot. Higher father involvement also helps to increase educational outcomes (Ditta, 2011). This is due to the stimulating activities that fathers conduct when playing with his children. When a father plays with his child, the child is more likely to have “higher levels of academic readiness,” in other words that means that the child has a higher ability to handle the stress that comes with schooling (Fathers, 2006). The more involved a father is, the more academic inclined the kid will be. For instance, “a 2001 U.S. Department of Education study found that highly involved biological fathers had children who were 43% more likely than other children to earn mostly As and 33 percent less likely than other children to repeat a grade” (Fathers, 2006). We have also learned that, for example, “rough-housing” or wrestling between father and son helps to teach the son how to not act on aggression. By playing like that, the son is learning how to control aggression and how to stay in control of emotions and the same goes for daughters (Fathers, 2006).

When it comes to my personal experience with fatherhood, I would say that I have a mixture of both positive and negative experiences and I know that is not limited to just myself. No father is perfect so it is understandable if a father messes up or is less involved for a small period of time versus another. I have four younger siblings and even though I have had one personal experience with my dad regarding involvement, I know that my siblings have all experienced something else entirely, especially since they are all currently living at home and I have been out of my parents’ house for a while. When it comes to my relationship with my father, I would not change anything, even if I could influence his level of involvement just because each experience that I have had with him has helped shape me to be the person that I am today.

I believe that my father was pretty involved while I was growing up and he still is to this day. When I was younger, I have memories of wrestling with my dad, I have memories of him coming to my orchestra concerts and of him helping me with my science projects, math assignments, and Spanish homework. He was always there, willing to help me and each of my siblings out with our homework. In fact, most of us tended to go to my father for homework help because he is more able to help us understand what it is that we were to be doing than my mom is.

When it comes down to it, my experiences with my dad are more positive than negative. I find it easier to remember his involvement over his lack of involvement, thankfully. Thanks to him, I was able to do better in school, I had a secure home, a loving father, and someone who is there to support me nearly all of the time. I happen to be really glad that he is the way he is because he is goofy, and nerdy, and he might not be able to emotional connect with us but he has other strengths that benefit us. That is what is really important: he has strengths that my mom does not have. He helped teach me how to be independent and that it is okay to go to the movies alone. He taught me from his involvement that family will always be first and will always be there when I need them despite living 2,300 miles away. I have also learned how to stand up for myself and that controlling my emotions is so important. If he had not been as involved or entirely removed from my life, I would be completely different. My anxiety may be more debilitating than it already is, I might struggle living away from home and with my decision making but he was there and I am so grateful that I do not have to worry about any of that.

When it comes to my future family, I know that it will be different than the one that I grew up in and there is only so much I can do to influence the involvement of the man that I will end up marrying. My hope is that he will be highly involved, especially during the infant and toddler years because that it when fatherly involvement is so crucial. The emotional, behavioral, and cognitive benefits that come with an involved father is so important and if he lacks then the difficulties that my future kids could suffer from will be so upsetting because I know that, for the most part, they can be prevented.

Ensuring that the father is highly involved from day one of having children is important to me. For sure, that is something that is likely to be discussed and probably discussed quite often just to ensure that the children are receiving enough love, attention, and support from the man I will marry. As the children get older, it will become more important that he is a constant part of their lives because they need that example of a respectful, loving father. This will help to psychologically benefit my children as well as help them in their relationships with other people. I do not think that there is much I can do outside of encouragement and reciprocating love, patience, respect, and being a good example. My only hope is that he will understand how important it is to be an involved part of our future children’s life.

*This was an assignment required for my Family Relations class*

References

(Ditta M. Oliker, 2011)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-long-reach-childhood/201106/the-importance-fathers

(Fathers and Their Impact on Children’s Well-Being, 2006)

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/fatherhood/

Father’s are a big deal guys. Without them what would we have? I know that if my dad wasn’t a part of my life then I would not know how to do a lot of things. For instance, I would lack a lot of the skills that he has taught me. I have skills in masonry, tiling, framing, painting, yard work, and even hand making concrete countertops (I’m definitely not particularly skilled at any of those, but I did a somewhat decent job back when I was learning all of this). I’ve even gotten a lot of my personality from him, we have a similar sense of humor, we’re both hard-headed, expect a lot from ourselves, and don’t let other people boss us around.

I’ve also learned how to be independent and my own person. I grew up with him teaching us skills that would be useful to our well-being because he understands the importance of hard work and he wants to make sure that we understand that as we grow as well. Thanks to him, I do.

I’m grateful that he was as involved as he was because, for all I know, I would be a pansy without his influence. I probably wouldn’t be as emotionally strong nor independent, I would lack decision-making skills, I wouldn’t accept myself for who I am, I wouldn’t be as successful in my schooling, nor as determined to be successful in my work life. I’ve learned so many valuable things from him and my mom wasn’t able to teach me any of those. She has different characteristics, skills, and responsibilities to teach me and that’s why it’s important to have both a mother and a father.

Stress is something that every family experiences pretty much all of the time. If you and your family don’t experience that then you are blessed from on high. But normal families usually have some sort of stress or crisis going on.

So how do strong families handle that? What do strong families do?

• Have dinner together
• Family life doesn’t change (location/school change but home life stays pretty constant)
• Family prayer
• Quality time
• Accept each other for who everyone is
• Everyone is involved
• Communication (!) (explaining things and self-disclosure)
• More validation than criticism
• Affirming every one of their worth
• Family activities

I think that routine is vital to the survival of a family under a lot of stress or in crisis. For younger kids, routine is so important but having a routine will also help to bond the family together and the kids will learn to trust the parents more when things are hard or when they move and are alone.

So what is a stressor/crisis?

• An accident
• Moving
• Surgery
• Death
• Internal strife
• Cancer
• Natural disaster
• Major purchases (yes, major purchases)
• Suicide/attempted suicide
• Divorce
• Gambling
• Job change
• Loss of faith

You get the idea, a stressor can literally be anything that messes up the family system or makes things difficult for the family to handle. But if a family is handling something stressful, you have to make sure that you are doing it in a healthy, and beneficial way. If you are going through something difficult, the last thing on earth that you want to do is cope in an unhealthy way (withdrawing; drinking: alcoholism; drugs; escapism:gaming, TV; denial; one spouse over works while the other checks out).

A husband and wife who are equal are better suited to effectively raise their children especially during a trial. So the wife isn’t dominant and the husband isn’t dominant.  The wife doesn’t check out and the husband doesn’t check out, and none of the children are above one parent while being equal to another. Husband and wife must be equal in all parental duties (parenting; decision making for the family: no presiding parent; the bread winner, or the main money make is NOT the boss, etc). Married couples must respect and appreciate each other. Not only will this help create a harmonious marriage, it will also help the children out, especially during trials and really stressful periods of life.

This goes out to all of my friends whether you are single or in a relationship!

Dating is such a huge part of college culture. People want to be in a relationship for the companionship, to find marriage, and, unfortunately, to use someone. But a lot of people don’t date the right way.

Here at BYU-I, it’s really common to see a couple go on a few dates, become exclusive, and then start “playing house,” otherwise known as hanging out. This is wrong, you guys. I cannot stress enough how important it is to actually date.

Go. On. Dates.

Dating does not mean you become exclusive and then start hanging out. Dating means going on dates. So if you’re just hanging out now, stop it and fix what you are doing. Here’s why:

• Dating is supposed to be planned and intentional
• Friends hang out with each other, couples date
• Hanging out instead of going on dates with your SO shows that you don’t care enough
• If you don’t date, then you are more likely to become irritated and bicker with your SO
• Dating requires focus and shows interest
• It also helps you get to know each other in a real way

Another thing that people often forget about is the whole “long courtship, short engagement” thing. Couples here don’t date long but in reality, they should date for a minimum of 3 months. This gives them an adequate amount of time to date and get to know each other. It also allows the couple time to get over their infatuation with each other (which I could go into but won’t).

Dating should be about communication and getting to know someone. Talk to each other about the things that are important, the things that matter and be completely real about all of it. You don’t want to get married and then realized that you missed out on learning a bunch of super important things about your SO, things that could make or break your relationship.

Please, please, please! Make sure that you know the person you are dating before you get engaged and make sure that you discuss everything that will be important in marriage.

My professor suggests going on at least 50 dates with your SO. You guys, he knows what he is talking about. He has had years of experience in therapy for marriage/families. Go on as many dates as you can, talk as much as you can, and keep that communication boundary open to each other.

* And one last thing, keep your eyes wide open while dating, and half shut while married.

The Ram Model: The Relationship Attachment Model

This model is really cool because it perfectly describes how a relationship should start. The first step in a relationship is obviously getting to know someone. Then it moves on to trusting that person, then learning to rely on him/her, then commitment, and last of all touch. To get to know someone in the best way possible, the model should be followed in this order.

If the RAM model isn’t followed correctly, complications can occur. If touch is introduced too quickly, like before you really get to know someone, or before you can learn to trust or rely on a person, it isn’t good, to say the least. Touching too soon can make two people believe that they know each other. It creates feelings of togetherness and closeness but they aren’t real. People often mistake those feelings as the real thing and that’s why a lot of early relationships can end early. That’s also why a lot of people here at BYU-I don’t last long. Here at BYU-I couples speed things along so fast so getting to know a person can be difficult because different steps are being skipped. Couples are so adamant on getting married and having kids which is kind of scary because if trends keep continuing to move as they are right now, the divorce rate is going to continue to climb (especially for Mormons) and a lot of it has to do with moving along in relationships in the wrong way. It’s so crucial to introduce touch later on so that no confusion is present. Getting to know someone for real is so important.

It turns out that the minimum amount of time that it takes to get to know someone is about 3 months. That’s also how long a lot of the couples here are together before getting engaged. 3 months. You can’t really know someone in 3 months. Now I’m not saying that you need to wait 3 months before you can introduce touch, I’m just pointing out that no matter how much you might think that you know someone, doesn’t necessarily mean that you do. So when dating, make sure you aren’t stuck in an apartment “hanging out”, even if you are exclusive. Do things. Go out and do things that require you to see what the other person is like in certain situations, that will be so helpful when determining whether or not you are interested.

Feminists.

Feminists want equality. We all know that but the thing about them is that they think that men and women have to be completely equal in every single way. Every. Single. Way.

Men and women were not designed to be equal in every single way. Equal in our own ways, yes. However, men and women have characteristics and strengths that we are better at. Men are better at some things and women are better at other things. We weren’t designed to be equal in every way. We were created to compliment each other.

One thing that I learned recently is that men and women are “hardwired” differently. Our brains are wired to be different from one another. I think that it is important to keep in mind that each person is different and that we all fit a different mold.

On another note, I’m not trying to offend anyone, I’m just briefly expressing my beliefs (:

Our perspective on immigration can be divided into two different parts: liberal or conservative. After this week, I realized that it isn’t that simple and that we shouldn’t be hating immigrant families or trying to kick them out of our country. We need to view this situation with the love of Christ and think about what the Christ-like thing to do would be.

These families are immigrating to our country, whether illegally or legally because they want a better future for their children. They aren’t coming here to steal our jobs or to create gangs or anything else. The parents see an opportunity here and a better life for their children. Who are we to try and stop that from happening?

I used to be a firm believer that if immigrants came illegally, then they should be deported. My opinion was changed once I saw a generalized outlook on their situation. Many of the immigrant families aren’t living in very great situations pre-immigration. Life is hard but they know that leaving their family indefinitely means opportunity and they are willing to sacrifice (a freaking lot, might I add) for a better life for their children. So, usually, the father will leave his family and make the dangerous, expensive trek to try and cross the border. Once that is accomplished, he thinks that he’ll get a decent paying job and only have to spend at max, 6 months away from his family. To him, that is all that is necessary to save about $12000 (about the amount of USD needed to bring 3 people across the border). But life is really hard, and he takes a lot longer (at least around 2-3 years) than that to save up money, even after living with a bunch of other men in horrible conditions to save money.

Then the day comes where the rest of the family arrives. By this time, the family life has changed, a lot. The mother has now become the head of the house and the father’s relationship with his children will suffer for a long time. Besides that, the mother will have to get a job that pays terrible and the family is currently living out of a super small house with absolutely nothing. Their family relationships are suffering and the kids are unhappy. All the while, the parents are reminding themselves that it’s worth it if their children can have a successful future.

A lot of people don’t care but a lot of people also can’t empathize with what they are going through. Most of us grew up with something. Most of us grew up in fairly safe neighborhoods. Most of us had access to decent paying jobs. And most of us had the opportunity to receive a full education. Many of these immigrants never had full access to those things. We can’t empathize so it’s easier to turn a blind eye and be insensitive to their situation.

You guys, these people are not coming to our country to steal our jobs. Obviously, there are going to be some bad people that cross but we cannot define an entire race based on the actions of a small group of people. I think that we also need to remember that the jobs that these people are taking are the jobs that many people would turn their nose to. They do what we don’t want to do because to them it means opportunity, no matter how much it sucks. These people deserve our respect, not intolerance and hate.

The family system is incredible! We learned about the family as a system and the theories that correlate to the family this week and it was so interesting. When it comes to family, it can be hard to come to final conclusions just because studying families can be difficult. When people know that they are being watched or studied, they tend to change the way they act so they aren’t being authentic with each other and that is where theory comes in.

LOVE

Marrying because of love is essentially a myth (a lot of people may disagree but it’s the truth). Many times couples think that they are marrying because they are in love but in actuality, that isn’t necessarily true. There are other feelings that play a part in that which can be confused with love and that can cause confusion.

FAMILY SYSTEMS

Let’s say that the family is similar to the human body. Together as a whole, with every bodily function working correctly, a person has nothing to worry about. Everything is fine and functioning correctly but if something were to happen to the body then a number of things can happen: a broken bone, paralysis due to a broken spinal chord, internal bleeding, or even a simple paper cut between the fingers…no matter what it is, if one thing is off, it can cause a lot of commotion and disorder. The family system is like this. Each person in the family plays an important role in keeping order and chaos at bay. Together, as a family, each person of the system knows the rule, spoken and unspoken. If a rule from either category is broken, it can disrupt the system. Another interesting thing is that within the system, are smaller subsystems such as mom and dad, two siblings, or a child and a parent. The subsystems don’t mean that they are there to “gang up” on the other family members but actually helps the system thrive.

CIRCULAR CAUSALITY

Circular causality is cause and effect of actions within a family system. Here’s an example of circular causality within a family. Let’s say that Dad works a lot, Mom is a busy housewife, and they have a number of children. Because Dad works late hours every day, he just really really wants to come home and relax and maybe catch up on NCIS. However, his kids really want to spend time with him because they don’t get to see Dad all that often. So the kids are in the T.V. room trying to get his attention and are being a little loud but he just wants to relax so he tells his children to go play and be loud somewhere else so he can watch his show. This hurts the kids and makes Mom mad. So what does she do in return? She goes in there to tell him to turn the T.V. off but that makes Dad mad causing him to want to turn the T.V up louder. In return, that makes Mom even angrier but there’s only so much that she can do… Well, the next thing the parents know, their kids are crying and screaming because they had started to fight each other which makes Dad upset because he just wants a peaceful night and Mom is upset because she knew this all could have been avoided.

The kids in this story acted out to receive the attention that they didn’t get from their Dad. But you can see from the example that one person’s actions can influence the actions of everyone else. This is especially so in family systems because, in the systems, everyone is closely knit together. In this situation, though, Dad most likely doesn’t think that he did anything wrong, neither does the Mom, and neither do the children so the blame gets laid on someone else and it keeps going round and round. So to sum it up, each person is reacting to the others actions because the other person “started it.” We all think that we think linearly but inreality, it’s all circular.

Marriage and family is a huge part of our lives. Everyone has a family and at some point, most people are married (or at least cohabiting). How we conduct ourselves within our relationships is so important because it determines everything about our future. It’s amazing how the little things that we don’t realize we are doing can impact the actions and moods of everyone around us, especially our families and close relationships.

One of the most interesting topics of this course so far has been on the topic of loneliness. It is incredible how much our childhood shapes who we are as adults. Many people as adults suffer from loneliness. However, there is a difference between loneliness and chronic loneliness. Many people feel loneliness but few feel loneliness on a daily and frequent basis. When developing as a child, the social circle that the kid grows up in is absolutely vital to his or her development. If a child is able to be social in all aspects of life (with family, friends, and acquaintances) but is unable to develop deep, emotional bonds with these people, having emotional loneliness when older is likely. If a child is unable to have the social groups that are necessary for growth, then social loneliness is likely. When it comes to curing the loneliness, social loneliness is easier to “cure” where on the other hand, emotional loneliness is much harder because it needs emotional and meaningful bonds to offset.

Loneliness is such an interesting topic and I could go on and on about the effects of childhood and the relation of that to adulthood. As this is my first post, I’m excited for all that I will be able to share over the coming months! So each week, I will be updating at least once about my insights and the things that I am learning.